Closer to God: Why I didn't became a Catholic priest

Blogger's Note: When I was young, I was brought up in a very strict and pious way of life. We pray the rosary everyday. We say our meal prayers. Pray the Angelus at nightfall. Say our prayers before sleeping. It was also considered sinful then not to attend Sunday Mass regularly (yes, until now). I was the eldest son and I was being groomed to be priest by my aunt, who was our surrogate mother whenever our parents are working. I shrudded in the thought. Now, I'm married and had a son. I still read Bible every now and then. I attend the Mass as regularly as I could. My view of religion is no longer of burden and uncertainty but of enlightenment and acceptance. I hope my aunt read this article years ago.

Don't force your sons to enter priesthood
Posted 02:23am (Mla time) Mar 02, 2005
By Christian Esguerra, Inquirer News Service

PARENTS should never force their sons to enter the priesthood, Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz said yesterday.

Cruz said this coercive parental attitude could be a factor in the decision of certain priests to hang up their cassocks.

He said that since last year, at least 23 Filipino priests -- all of them diocesan -- had sought permission from the Vatican to abandon their vocation.

But the number is not actually alarming, considering that only at least 200 priests have been given dispensation in the last 20 years, according to Cruz, a former president of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines.

Besides, there is no shortage of priests even if there are only 7,406 of them left to tend to at least 73 million Filipino Catholics as of 2003, he told reporters.

"Christ would never allow His Church to run out of priests," he said.

Still, the situation underscores a crucial reality: Many Filipino priests did not want to become one; only their parents did.

Cruz said one of the "very fundamental" warnings to "pious parents" is to never push their sons if it was not the latter who first expressed the wish to enter the seminary.

He noted that some parents would force their sons to become a priest simply because they did not want to be embarrassed in a community that had such expectations.

What parents should know is that the "moral pressure" they exert will only make their sons go "wayward," Cruz said.

Sometimes, it's better for parents to actually object to a son's desire to become a priest because this will test his resolve and may even inspire him to proceed with the calling, the archbishop said.

He cited his own experience: "In my case, my parents objected. My father did not talk to me for two years. My mother was visiting me surreptitiously. Maybe that's why I was able to [make it] -- someone was objecting."

Starting a family
But parental pressure is not solely to blame for the decision of certain priests to quit, Cruz said.
Some of them want to start their own families, he said, adding that he usually tried to be of help as long as their cases were "meritorious."

For example, Cruz said, a priest wanting to marry would "really be helped by dispensation, by being able to live his married life for the good of the woman and the children.

"These are the ones that I really want to help -- those who already have a family with children, and who want to receive the sacrament of matrimony," he said.

'Instructor delegate'
Cruz is an expert in canon law and an "instructor delegate," or one who handles the cases of priests wanting to quit. As such, he collects all the necessary documents for the Vatican's perusal.

A dispensation case usually takes two to three years to resolve, he said. Most of the 23 cases currently on his table were carried over from last year.

Fortunately for priests in anguish, by Cruz's own reckoning he has a "100-percent batting average."
How does a priest get dispensation?

Tough luck
"You have to prove that the person should not have been ordained a priest from the very beginning," Cruz said. "He should not have been ordained for many reasons -- he was not totally for it, he did not take it seriously, or he was not emotionally fit for a priest's life and ministry."

But what if the Holy See rejects a priest's request for dispensation? Tough luck. "Let the good Lord take care of him," Cruz said.

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